Stop Shaming Yourself for Having Feelings

You Weren’t Made to use Numbness as Your Way Point Through Life

Most of us were taught how to function.
We know how to be useful.
We know how to go about our day as if nothing is wrong.
We know how to bottle our emotions so we can get this bread.

But we were never taught how to feel.

We learned how to keep going.
How to suck it up.
How to look calm on the outside
even when we were screaming on the inside.

And for a while, that worked.

Until it didn’t.....

The Emotion Isn’t the Problem

The Shame Around It Is

If you've ever felt ashamed for crying...
If you've ever held your breath in an argument just to keep the peace...
If you've ever said “I'm fine” when you were anything but...

Then you’ve been trained to believe that feeling is a flaw.

But if feeling was a flaw....
We wouldn't have them in the first place.

That's like looking at your 10 fingers and saying huh.. that's weird.
And cut them off.

Your feelings are the first language your body speaks.
Before you know what’s wrong,
you feel the clench in your stomach.
Before you can put into words what’s off,
your chest tightens. Your shoulders curl. You go quiet.

That’s your body screaming at you that something needs to be re-evaluated.

I remember when I used to feel ashamed just for being sad....

A friend betrayed my trust, and I couldn’t even let myself be sad about it.

I kept replaying the signs I missed...
Going back and forth looking for ways to blame myself...
I should've seen the signs.
I should've.....
If only I had....

My mind screamed:

You saw this coming. You ignored the signs. You chose to see the good in her.
So you don’t get to be sad.

I shamed myself into silence.
I kept pushing the sadness down, telling myself I “reaped what I sowed.”
But it didn’t go away.
It just stayed there.. under the surface... waiting....
tight, heavy, unspoken.

Months later... I had the straw that broke the camel's back...
I finally let the pain free. I finally owned up to it.
I let it be mine.
I stopped analyzing, blaming, justifying.
And I bawled.
Not a quiet cry...
A soul tearing ugly cow bawl..
Because I finally gave myself permission to feel.

No one else said it was okay. I decided it was okay.

I let myself be hurt.
I let myself be sad.
I let myself be.

And that’s when the healing of the pain really began.
You don’t have to bottle it all up. Start making space for your emotions with reflective prompts from Finding Your Clarity.

The Problem Was Never That You Felt Too Much

It’s that no one helped you to sit with them. Without trying to understand.
Without trying to make them make sense.

Most of us didn’t grow up with caregivers who understood emotions.
We had people who taught us how to “stay strong” by staying silent.
People who feared our bigness.
People who punished our tears.

So we learned to suppress.
To make yourself small.
To cope through disappearing.

We stopped asking, “What am I feeling?”
And started asking, “What/who do they need me to be right now?”

That’s not regulation. That’s erasing ourselves.

In relationships, I became the “understanding” one.
The calm one.
The emotionally intelligent one.
The one who you can go to for advice.

I learned... like many women.. to prioritize everyone’s feelings over my own.
To take a breath.
To not make it about me.
To give space.
To not be too much.
To listen to the pain in their silence.
The pain behind their sharp words.
But... never speak about me too much.

And I was ready to be the best partner possible.
If he was overwhelmed, I’d give him space. Even if I needed to be close...
If he was stressed, I’d be understanding. Even when I was stressed too...
If he pushed me away, I’d wait, patiently, for him to come back.

I thought love meant to not take up too much space for myself so I could create more space for him.

But in all that... I was disappearing.

I didn’t know how to ask to for what I needed to feel cared for..
I didn’t know if I was allowed to take up space.
So I stayed quiet, but inside, I was hurting.
I thought if I was good enough to him, he’d be good enough to me.

But that’s not how love works.

I made myself small, thinking I was “too much.”
But all I really needed… was to be accounted for the way I had learned to look out for everyone else.

The patience and grace, the kind words I gave to everyone else... I wished I had gotten...

Your emotions aren’t inconvenient. They’re the realest part of you.
✧ Let Finding Your Clarity help you listen.

This workbook won’t give you someone else’s answers.
It will guide you back to your own answers.

Numbing Isn’t Healing.
Numbing is Delaying the inevitable.

The problem with numbing is.... the feeling doesn’t go away...
It just waits.
It gets stored.
In your stomach.
In your heart.
In your head.

And when the silence got too loud......
When the space between us felt like a valley I didn’t know how to cross…
It would all catch up to me.

I would overflow...

Because I wasn’t just feeling the space of that one time....
I was feeling every time I ever swallowed a need, overexplained my reason, or waited for someone to give me permission to be me...

I was crying about now but I was releasing all of those thens.
All the hidden heartbreak.
All the quiet suffering. All the needs I never said out loud.

The silence wasn’t just silence.
It was the echo of every moment I abandoned myself to stay close.

You don’t need to be the strong one all the time.
Explore what you need with prompts that ask the real questions
→ Get the workbook that helps you practice emotional self-trust.

Your Feelings are insights from your inner compass

Every emotion comes with a message:
Anger says: Something feels unfair.
Sadness says: I need support or space.
Anxiety says: Something doesn’t feel safe.
Numbness says: I’ve felt too much for too long.

When you start listening instead of pushing past, you stop fighting yourself.
You begin to move with compassionate alignment.

You realize your sensitivity wasn't the problem.
The problem was being surrounded by people who couldn’t receive your sensitivity with grace.

Reflective Prompt

Which emotion do you feel the most shame around?
What would change if you believed it wasn’t bad but a gift?

Ready to rewrite your fear of being abandoned?

My journal Finding Your Clarity invites you to reconnect with your emotional truth.
Not just through thinking but feeling.
You don’t have to figure it all out today you just have to be willing to listen to yourself.

👉 Get the journal here.