What do you want more of in your life?

Sometimes the thing you think you want the most isn’t really what you’re after at all.

If I were to ask you, “What do you want more of in your life?” chances are you’d say you want more money, a house, a car, to travel... insert your desire here.

But... Actually.... You don’t really want those things you think you want...

I know! That puzzled look on your face. Yeah! You don't actually want more money.

What you really want is a bit surprising.

Let me tell you a story about how I discovered this for myself.

While I was living in China, I had a teaching job that paid me 9,000 renminbi a month—about $1,100 USD—to work just three hours a day, five days a week. I taught one class a day Monday through Wednesday, and two classes on Thursdays and Fridays. These were just 30-minute classes, and the rest of the time I spent playing with the children or planning lessons. An easy 15-hour work week. It was a good life and an okay amount of money. I wasn't starving but I wasn't living lavishly either.

One morning chat with my coworkers while greeting the babies as they arrived at school, we were chatting about monthly income across the city. Curiously, I spent more time listening than speaking after hearing a coworker explain this job's money is 'chump change'. I leaned in to hear of teachers making 20,000 - 30,000 RMB a month... more than double what I was making... Granted they also worked more hours, I was shocked, and I couldn't get the numbers out of my head the entire day. Think of all the things I could do with that cash!! I'm sure my life would be so much more fulfilling and happier!!

When Covid 19 hit our teacher population dropped from 12 to 5 teachers. and I thought it was finally my opportunity to get that pay raise! Quite brazenly, during the negotiation for my new contract. I proposed to the principal to make me a full-day teacher and pay me 25,000 RMB for a 40-hour work week. (A lesson in negotiation is to always ask for more than you're aiming for!!! In my case 20,000 RMB). A few days later she caved in and agreed to 21,000 RMB. Success!! But...

To my surprise, more money didn’t make me any happier. I was still just as unfulfilled... Actually... I was worse than before. That's when I had an aha moment. It's not the money! It's the school! And off I went in search of more money and a better environment.

This pattern continued in my next job and the job after that: each one paid me more, had a different environment, different tasks but I just didn’t feel any more satisfied.

Because I wasn’t chasing money. I was chasing a feeling.

I believed that more money would bring me the feeling of freedom.

Thinking back, I realize that this insatiable drive for “more” was not just about my personal desires... It was rooted in something much deeper, a generational wound that had been handed down through the lines of my family and community. I'm suspecting it to be residues of history, where enslaved and indentured people were given the chance to buy their freedom.

The belief, that freedom could be bought, that safety and worth were transactions, did not end when slavery ended. It was passed onto those who survived, and their children and their children. That and capitalism.

The belief that: more money means more freedom.

But that's a dissertation that deserves its own space and reverence

Back to the story! What I eventually discovered was that true freedom for me wasn’t in the money.

True freedom was about belonging. Having a home. Being part of a community. Doing the things I loved—like drawing, coloring, playing music, writing these blogs.

True freedom is about being able to express myself and share my gifts with the world.

Underneath my desire to have more money, a better environment etc. was really the ache of wanting to feel free.

We often focus on the surface want, like money, because it’s what we’re taught to pursue. But when we slow down and look deeper, we see that the truest desires are usually feelings like:

freedom,
safety,
love,
belonging,
expression.

I invite you to try this for yourself. Let it be a soft questioning... Perhaps a conversation with your heart.

The world tells us to chase things.
But your truest self wants to feel, to be, and to connect.

Let that be the awareness that guides your actions.

If you’re feeling the pull to explore these threads more deeply, I’ve created two gentle resources to support your journey:

✨ Self Trust Journal for Beginners – A soft, nurturing space to meet yourself each day, no pressure to get it “right,” just an invitation to be with what is.

✨ Finding Your Clarity – A guided exploration to unearth your true values and bring them into the light of your own knowing.

Let this be the start of your journey back to yourself—not through someone else’s standards, but through your own quiet truths.