You Don’t Need to Be Liked to Be Free: Letting Go of Approval & Rebuilding Self-Trust

Many people.. especially those who grew up seeing people-pleasing and approval-seeking... struggle to trust themselves. We say yes when we mean no. We over-explain. We make ourselves small just to be liked.

In this post, I share how letting go of needing to be liked helped me reclaim my power, build self-trust, and finally feel free.


Let me reiterate... You don't need to be liked... to be free.

You weren’t born to be palatable. You were born to be whole.
✧ Finding Your Clarity helps you unlearn people-pleasing and rebuild your self-trust on your terms.

I realized there comes a point in your healing where the goal changes...
It stops being about getting people to like you... being palatable or even finding who loves you...

It’s about learning how to like yourself..

even if that means some people won’t.

And that change?
It can be quite terrifying.
It feels like taking the biggest risk of all... Giving up all your tools... Everything you’ve ever used to stay safe.

But it’s also how you begin to really live.

Approval Was My First Currency

Growing up, I learned that being liked kept me safe.
It gave me connection.
It earned me love
It made me needed.

I became fluent in reading people’s moods.
I could sense a shift in tone, an unspoken tension, a subtle frown and I’d immediately adjust myself to make someone else comfortable.
Smile more. Apologize quicker. Shrink smaller.

Because if they were okay, maybe I would be too.... Thats how it works right?

Until I realized it didn't work..... for me...

I thought peace was the absence of conflict.
connection was never rocking the boat.
being good meant being quiet.

If you're tired of saying “yes” when you mean “no,” this workbook is for you.

The Cost of Being Liked Was Too High

Being liked isn’t the same as being loved.
Being picked isn’t the same as being cherished.
Being wanted isn’t the same as being seen. (ESPECIALLY THIS)

There were times I made myself so digestible that I couldn’t taste my own essence anymore.
I often find myself pretending to be the essence of “softness” while swallowing rage.
I was speaking sweetly while silencing my grief.
I was nodding along while my heart screamed no.

I used to be the girl who agreed to most things just to keep everyone happy.
I’d laugh rather than to speak up. I’d keep my mouth shut when someone said something hurtful...
because I thought, someone else will say something… right?

I remember one specific time when my ex took money from my bank account without telling me. I didn’t know how to raise it as a concern. So I said nothing. Until I had no money to go to school.

And even then? I quietly asked him to return some of the money.
As if it wasn’t mine in the first place.
He made me feel grateful for getting it back.

And I soothed myself with:
"He needed it urgently, right?
This wasn’t who he was… just a one-time thing?"

No. It wasn’t a moment. It wasn't a one ting thing... It was a mirror. It showed me everything I needed to see.....

But I stayed quiet.
Because I didn’t want to be a problem....

Stop shrinking. Start choosing you. ✧ The Finding your clarity workbook will help you stand firm in your truth

Self-Trust Isn’t Built in Silence

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that not everyone has to understand me for me to be valid.

And even harder: Not everyone will like me when I started being myself loudly.

But that’s not a problem.
That’s just clarity.

The more I listened to my emotions, the more I set boundaries.
When I spoke up, I was misunderstood.
And as I trusted myself, I saw where I became unavailable for things that once took from me.

And yes, some people left..
Some were disappointed...
Some didn’t like this version of me

But here’s what I realized:

I wasn’t healing to become more palatable.
I was healing to become whole.
What was most important was I liked me more

Your silence isn’t safety. Your clarity is. ✧ The Finding your clarity workbook helps to discover your voice

I’d Rather Be Misunderstood Than Disconnected From Myself

These days, I don’t look forward to being liked.

I aim to be honest.
I aim to be grounded.
I aim to be free.

I no longer shapeshift to avoid discomfort.
I let discomfort teach me what needs to adjust.

I no longer equate harmony with safety.
Sometimes safety sounds like “no,”
looks like silence,
feels like walking away.

And most of all

I no longer need permission to exist.

When I stopped looking for people to clap for me every time I showed up, I stopped overextending myself.
I noticed I wasn’t saying “yes” just to make other people comfortable anymore.
I say “no” and mean it.

I stopped moving the goalposts closer to accommodate people who never planned to meet me in the first place.

And I noticed something beautiful:

The people I never had to adjust for? They were already respecting the line before I even drew it.
The ones I broke for? They disappeared.

✧ Reconnect with your boundaries, your “no,” your voice.

💭 Reflective Prompt

Where are you still shrinking to stay likable?
What truth have you been keeping quiet because it might make someone else uncomfortable?

💌 Ready to stop performing and start living in truth?

My workbook

Finding Your Clarity helps you hear your inner voice again so you can live for your freedom, not their comfort.

👉 Grab your copy here.